What's Wrong with Me?

When I was in 2nd grade, I started to play piano at Yamaha School. I don't really understand it that time. Well, I'm just a little girl so I just keep on playing. My teacher always angry to me because I never practice my song at home. But I was a kid, that's forgivable.

When I was in 5th grade, I felt comfortable when I play piano. I love piano! I always practice and play piano almost 2 hours per day. Can't you believe that!? I love to play pop-music, even to play and sing-a-long in same time. Piano was like 'love of my life' I can't live without it. Although sometimes I felt bored, but it didn't take long to make me love it again..

When I was a Junior high school student, I still love it! Everytime I felt happy, upset, or even angry, I would play my piano but at this time, I found another instrument i interested at....... Saxophone! But I still chose piano as my beloved music's instrument.Until one day, Mr. Eric can't teach me anymore and almost more than a month I didn't have teacher, I didn't learning, so I try to play Saxophone by watching Youtube in a month. Ya... at least I know how to use Saxophone. Back to my 'piano life' and I just played what I want to play not what I HAVE to play, I played some kind of 'easy-busy' stuff.

Then I got the replacement, Miss Elsa who is a really good teacher. But I just feel wrong, I feel something in me is empty, something was in me is already gone and hard to take it back.
I had no more feeling for piano.
When all the people tried to motivate me, I kept saying "it's because of the teacher! She is new, and I can't accept her. She is different than him! It's hard for me. Please wait until I can play like before."
But it's almost a year for me, and my parents can't stand it any longer. There was one day my dad or mom said to me, "If you still lazy to play just quit and I will sell back this piano! You don't need it, do you?!" and that time in my heart i said, "Sell it as you want. I don't want it either. Just throw it out. I'm sick of seeing it."
I realize that's wrong. There are so many advantages the piano can give to me.

But I still can't find that hole in my heart. My family said, I'm the one who should try to motivate myself and stop being lazy.
You know what, it took about Rp 400.000 per month and that's so expensive! (at that time)
My family support me, my friends support me, my piano miss me.
But I still can't get that feeling, when I played the piano 2 years ago.
What happened to me that time so I can love piano with whole my heart?
What happened to the piano so it made me want to play it all the time?
What happened to my heart that I can't feel the way I feel before?

Even I practice my songs, I play the piano, I enter every competition to motivate me. It doesn't work.
I don't ask for time, or advices, or preech, or anything else.
I don't know what I really want right now.
But maybe.....yes, this is for sure.
I want my LOVE for the piano BACK and I just don't know how.

I'm sorry Mom, Dad, everyone.... But thanks for understand me 'til now.